What have Amanda Holden, Eamonn Wallie and Pippa Middleton done for the Irish language?

While other journalists flosculate on the minutia of the Queen and Barack McBama visiting Ireland, I have been reflecting on more important matters. Into inkwells that others fear to dip their quills, I relish the opportunity to dip my mind and pour forth my unique insights for your delectation.

Before I continue, I know that many of you do not have the cerebral aptitude to process my theses, but that’s okay, there is a place for you to go, a place where simple folk can express themselves, and where irrelevant issues can be discussed at great length. That place is Mick Fawlty’s blog. So take yourself over to Tugger O’Tool if my compelling analysis is too challenging for you.

Still here? Merveilleux! Je vais continuer mes camarades!

I have never been accessed to Amanda Holden, but I have seen her on television, and this is enough to tell me she has done a lot for the Irish language. When she appears on television, millions of people must instantly rush to change the channel. Statistically some people must therefore switch over to TG4, in a rush to find something, anything, else to watch. Consequently Amanda Holden is directly responsible for more people experiencing the Irish language.

Go raibh maith agat Amanda.

Incidentally, while UTV has some fine programs , I feel it would benefit from replacing Britain’s Got Talent with Wallie’s Got Art, a show where a judging panel featuring Me, the Duchess of York, and Paul Clark judge local artists painting pictures of Marc Mallett’s magnificent hair.

Now back to the Irish language discussion, and the next person on my list, me. I have known myself for several years, and having invented the local Twittersphere I have contributed enormously not only to the Irish language, but to the wider political discourse.

I often felt I was being viewed as a sort of ‘subversive’, but a little credit has to go to my great mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi. During a heated debate in the Oxford Union, Obi challenged me to invent the local Twittersphere. So I did. Many mocked me. Many laughed. Who’s laughing now Martina Purdy?

And finally to Pippa Middleton, who I have never met, although I feel like I have. She has done nothing for the Irish language. However, she did look super hot in that bridesmaid dress. I would definitely give her 100,000 welcomes.